Faux Pas
by Lady Aurora Nocturne
Summary: Oneshot. Vaan asks an inappropriate question.


This little oneshot has been hanging out on my hard drive for a while now and I decided to finally post it.

 _Disclaimer: Final Fantasy XII, its characters, and locations all belong to Square Enix. I am not profiting from writing this in any way._

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 **Faux Pas**

"Erm, Penelo?" Vaan began.

"Huh?" The pigtailed girl mumbled back, wondering what kind of stupid question her friend had in store for her this time.

"Umm, what exactly is _he_?" the sandy-haired orphan asked, gesturing over his shoulder toward the ornate door that led to the chambers of the Gran Kiltias.

Penelo sighed. She didn't know the answer to this question, but she was observant enough to understand that it shouldn't be asked where any of the Kiltias might overhear them. Gran Kiltias Anastasias did not belong to any of the species that frequented Rabanastre, or any they had encountered on their journey so far. "Don't you ever learn?" she hissed in response.

"What?" Vaan shot back, offended. "It's a great question. You don't know either do you?"

"Shut up!" Penelo growled from the side of her mouth as she passed him going down the stairs. She advanced toward the parapet to take in the magnificent view of the sea visible from this slope of Mt. Bur Omisace.

Vaan trotted after her. "We should ask someone!"

Penelo rolled her eyes.

"Is there a problem, young ones?" an approaching nu mou asked from the bridge leading to the far side of the temple complex.

"Uh, yeah, I have a question." Vaan answered, smiling down at the diminutive monk.

"We followers of Faram are eager to assist all the peoples of Ivalice in their pursuit of knowledge. What is your question, child?"

"I was wondering," Vaan said.

"What's the best way to get to the Stilshrine of Miriam from here?" Penelo cut in before Vaan could ask the offensive question.

The nu mou looked from Vaan to Penelo and back. Penelo bit her lip, fearing that he'd see through her ploy.

"You wish to know the most expedient route to the Shrine?" he clarified in his soft, gravelly voice.

"Well, yeah," Vaan confirmed.

"Please tell us." Penelo cut in again.

"Very well. Listen closely, hume children." The Kiltias proceeded to outline the quickest route from the top of the holy mountain to the nearby shrine. Penelo hoped he didn't think she was rude after she barged into the conversation like that, but it was a small sacrifice to make if it kept Vaan from offending someone.

When he finished, he looked up at Vaan and asked if he had any more questions.

The boy quailed under the warning look from Penelo, but mumbled his original question anyway.

The nu mou sputtered in disbelief.

Balthier, who had a sixth sense for trouble, chose that moment to join the conversation. "Come along, kids, we need to hit the road!"

Penelo grabbed her friend by the ear, apologized to the stammering nu mou, and dragged Vaan away.

"What was that all about?" the pirate asked as they strolled down the rocky path toward the refugee camp.

"He was asking rude questions again." She gave Vaan's ear a final yank before releasing him.

"Oww! Hey, you didn't know either!" he defended.

"It was still rude to ask!" she shot back.

Balthier shook his head and decided to try to head off another argument. "What was the question?"

"He asked that Kiltias what species Gran Kiltias Anastasias is! Can you believe him?" Penelo whispered, lest another Kiltias hear her asking and take offense.

"Vaan, Vaan, Vaan, didn't your mother teach you anything? You never ask a Viera her age, you never call a Bangaa a lizard, and you never, ever ask what species someone is, especially if that someone is important." Balthier said, shaking his head in exasperation.

They rendezvoused with the rest of the party at the chocobo corral, as planned. Gurdy was making a pitch to Ashe to try to convince her to rent chocobos for the trip to the shrine. The spendthrift princess could be remarkably tight with gil when it came to paying for services like chocobo rentals. The moogle's offer was much too high for her taste.

"Is something wrong?" Ashe asked when she saw Balthier's frustrated face. She used the potential altercation between her comrades as an excuse to walk away from the ill-favored rental negotiations. Having decided to walk anyway, she made for the exit and everyone fell in behind her.

"Nothing out of the ordinary." Penelo griped.

"The boy asked a Kiltias an offensive question." Balthier said. He tired of addressing Vaan's endless gaffs on this journey. "Methinks the boy would benefit from a stint in charm school."

"Charm school?" Vaan scoffed. "The heck is a charm school?"

Ashe snickered at the thought of Vaan spending months in a snooty Archadian school for etiquette. "I doubt you could find one that would take him."

"Some in Archades will take anyone if you pay them enough." Balthier said. "They may even offer a scholarship for a churl like Vaan here. They do relish a good success story, you know."

Vaan might not know what a charm school was, but he did understand when people were making fun of him. "Hey! Now who's being rude?" He glowered at his friends. Even Penelo was giggling, and he doubted she had any idea what they were talking about either.

"I agree that he would benefit from such tutelage." Fran chimed in. She hadn't quite forgiven Vaan for asking about her age back in Eruyt Village yet.

Basch stifled a laugh, but chose not to say anything this time. He didn't want to be too hard on Vaan. It wasn't his fault his background hadn't afforded him the kind of education that most of the others had.

"You guys still haven't answered my question!" Vaan said. "I'm starting to think that none of you know either!"

"His Grace, the Gran Kiltias Anastasias, is a Helgas, Vaan." Balthier said. "There aren't many of them around these days, which is probably why you've never seen one."

"Ah, okay, thanks." Vaan replied. "If it isn't weird that I didn't know, why was it so bad to ask?"

"It's basic manners, Vaan. It's like how you're supposed to say 'please' and 'thank you.'" Ashe explained. "There are some things you just don't do."

"Well I think that's stupid. If you don't know something, how're you supposed to learn if you can't ask?"

"You learn to show discretion and ask persons who will not be offended by the question." Balthier instructed. "For example, it would have been acceptable to ask myself or Basch your question in private today. Asking a Kiltias was a terrible faux pas."

Vaan snorted. "I think you're all making a big deal out of nothing."

The party continued down the mountain, merrily discussing how they might enroll Vaan in one of the aforementioned schools as they dispatched every monster they encountered.

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Poor Vaan has a rough time of it in my stories, doesn't he? Leave me a review, pretty please! ;)


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